


It´s fine if you don´t remember me

by Juki_Makiko



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, BoyxBoy, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 01:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5145503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juki_Makiko/pseuds/Juki_Makiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just imagine:<br/>Emanuel (Cas) don´t remember and no demons show up at the mental hospital. Emanuel couldn´t save Sam and so Sam died. Dean is totally down. His brother is dead and his best friend didn´t remember him, but the last one is okay, because Emanuel is more Cas than he know. So he take care of Dean after Sam´s Death and he slowly managed to bring Dean back to life (not literally), but Emanuel didn´t know, that he is Cas, the one Dean truly loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dean: Everything left

**Author's Note:**

> Don´t wonder the chapters are really short, so the story isn´t really long and maybe it´s a bit confussing at the begining, because I skip in time and room, but the story would be boring and soooo long, if I wouldn´t!  
> You can also find this story on wattpad (if you want to read it there): https://www.wattpad.com/story/42362024-it%27s-fine-if-you-don%27t-remember-me-destiel
> 
> And I am really sorry for all spelling and gramma mistakes

After Emmanuel or Cas or whatever couldn't fix Sammy, he died. My little baby brother died, after all that what we go through and the person who did this to him, helped me to burn his body. To say I was upset was really too low. I just wanted to beat someone down for that piece of shit my life was now. I have nobody left. Bobby was dead, Sam also, as long as my parents and everyone who ever came close to me and my best friend didn't remember me, but he offered me to stay, his wife, wasn't really attached to this idea, but let me stay for a few days, but Cas always let me stay longer. I heard them argue once. „I didn't like him and you don't even know him, he shouldn't stay.", the women whispers. „You didn't know me either when you let me stay, besides his brother just died and he has no family or anything else. I didn't know and I didn't want to know what he would do alone." The women sigh and give up. But it wasn't the last time. I didn't want to bother them, but Cas didn't let me go, but he neither remember me. With the time there fight less, better say they talk less. After weeks I was getting used to live. I even have a minor mechanic job down the road. It was more about to do something on living together.

But after a month and a half Cas came to me. He sit on the coach next to me, while I'm watching TV. „Dean, we need to talk.", he says and I turn the TV down and sit straight to him. „What's up?", I ask. „Me and Daphne gonna break up, so I'm leaving this house.", he looked at me, like I was his child and he just say he would divorce from Mummy. At the same time I'm feeling bad, it was just because she doesn't like me and Cas feel responsible for me. „I have buy a nice little apartment just in the next city. It's near a workplace for me and I also search for garages and found one not far from the apartment.", Cas smile at me. I didn't questioned it that he already plan me in for moving. But it was obviously: Cas wouldn't let me stay alone and she didn't like me and I don't have another place to go. I smile sadly at Cas, I was just so damn tired, she and I had after the dinner another fight, about something that doesn't matter. „Thanks.", I say. Cas smile back at me, softly and carrying like he do so often. „We are moving tomorrow.", he says than leave me to sleep.


	2. Dean: Accident

A week after we move in, something happened. Cas had some lazy job on an office and neither I nor him know what he do exactly, but when I was in the middle of my work, I got a call. I grab my phone. Hospital. I read and was confused but I hang on and then a women says to me that Cas fell down the stairs and had a concussion, I just hang up, with the promise to be there. I shot over to a workmate of my, Thomsen, that a accident happen and I must go. Then I was up in my impala and drive to the hospital as fast as I could. When I got there another women at the counter tells me the room number and I run through the halls. Cas door was open and when I got to the door, I stand still. Cas was sitting in his bed a bandaged around his head and calming down a crying women, I didn't know her but she wears a suit like Cas always wear when he went to work. „Oh God, I'm still so sorry. I didn't see there was the stairs and I didn't want to push you either. I'm so sorry.", the women cry and Cas just try to calm her down, so he petted her arm. „It wasn't your fault, Saskia, I was just didn't paying attention. And I'm not really hurt. It is just a few bruises and a mild concussion, nothing to worry about, I can get out today and in two days I can go back to work." Cas smile at her to cheer her up and I stare at him and now I recognice how fast my heartbeat was all the time. I was scared about losing Cas too. Even if he didn't remember me, it was still Cas, the way he speaks and moves and all his mature and even the angels power was in him, even if Dean have tell him to not use them anymore, because the demons will get him or she when he used them just once. Maybe it was a lie, but when Cas just helps one person he would to help all of them and then the demons will pay attention. I didn't even know how but then I'm standing in the middle of the room and Cas face lighting up at seeing me. „Dean.", he says and I just go to him and hugging him. I just feeling right to wrap my arms about the angel, who doesn't know he was one. I look him in the eyes. „Never scare me like that ever again.", I say and Cas just nods. Just when I looked in his blue eyes again, I realized, that angel can't get hurt from something like that, so maybe he fell from a whole bunch of stairs but the doctor just things he must have at least a mild concussion. He wouldn't loose me, I thought and smile at him.

The women patted still with tears in her eyes Cas arm and leaving, on the door she turn around and look in my eyes with guilt. „I'm sorry for hurting your boyfriend.", she say and then disappera. I look confused at Cas. „Why does she think we're gay?", I say, this question is on my mind a lot. Why are people always think me and Cas were gay. Cas wasn't gay or straight, he was an angel. I don't think there have something like sexual orientation or at least anything sexual. Of course it disappoints me.

Cas shrugs his shoulder and I sit beside him in a chair. I stair at his blue eyes and his messy dark hair and his smooth lips and again I just want to kiss him. This feeling wasn't new. I have feelings for Cas since a long time. I was meaning romantic feelings, but Cas was Cas and I never was brave enough to say what I feel. One of the angels also told me that something like friendship between human and Angel are forbidden, but a romantic relationship was cursed by death and what I couldn't handle was Cas dead and all of it was my fault.

I stare at Cas a long time now. The good thing on Cas being Cas was, that I can stare at him as long as I want he wouldn't think anything about it and just stare back.

I sighed and pet his and, only to touch him. „It's good, that you're okay.", I say.

I was staying the whole day at Cas Bed and drive him home, when the Doctor say he can go.

The Doctor was wondering how good Cas was, because he didn't find any sighs for a concussion and even the few bruises were gone. I dragging Cas out the hospital before the Doctor can wonder more.

At home I put him directly in his bed and make dinner for him and force him to eat.

I know that Cas didn't need rest, he not even need sleep, but I keep telling him that he need rest, so that I can help him, what was really rare.

I also tell Cas to keep secret, that he doesn't need food or sleep. I force him to sleep, so that he didn't run at night through the flat and I force him to eat, so I can cook for him. I keep telling him, that I would feel lonely if he wouldn't eat with me and I tell him that his workmates will wonder if he didn't eat in his break, so I could make him sandwiches everyday.

Cas didn't understand why I doing it, but he see that it makes me happy to make him food, so he didn't questioned it.

After I and Cas eat in his bedroom dinner, he wash the dishes and come back. Sitting in the chair beside him, like in the hospital. Then I grab the remote and switch the TV on and let it on an movie, I didn't care about, I was just tired. I throw the remote beside Cas. „Switch if you want. When it annoys you you can turn it off.", I say, but like always Cas didn't touch the remote. Once I was thinking that he didn't know how the remoter works so I show him, but he really doesn't care for the TV and just stares at me or at the screen and wonder about the technology.

While I'm staring at the TV, I feel how I drop of to sleep and then I was dreaming.

I think it was dreaming, because I was at this river again, the river Cas died, or I was thinking he died in.

First I was alone, but then I see Cas in the river, I see him going down, just his finger tips through the water and I spring the river, swim to him. I look under the water but can't see him. I go up for breath and shout: „Cas!? Cas?! Where are you?" I look around in the water but didn't see him. Then something catch my feet and drown me, I scream and kick under the water.

I woke up, sweating and panting. I see Cas in the bed staring at me. I mumble: „Sorry, nightmare. I go sleep in my bed." and stand up. I was at the door, when Cas ask me something. „Who is Cas?" I turn around and stare at him. „You say it while you were asleep.", he whispers. „Cas is my best friend.", I say easy. „Why were you screaming?", he ask, and I didn't want him to. „Because he's gone.", I say and know I sound like a bitch. „I'm sorry.", he looks down. But for me this was shit. Talking with Cas about how he leaves me and he sit just there. „He was important to you?", Cas say and it just remember me of the voice he used to speak about Sam and it make me thing that Cas is really dead, but I see in his eyes and know he isn't, because the man in front of me is still my Cas and so I say the one thing I never have tell anybody before: „I was in love with him."

I look up at Cas eyes, he seemed surprised. I know I didn't look like gay and I wasn't. It sounds girly and dumb, but Cas is special and always will be, he's the one expectation I will ever make.

„Were you like ... together?", Cas ask and I shake my head. „I never tell him, so I didn't know his feelings for me." „I'm sorry.", Cas say, but maybe I was wrong, but he doesn't seemed so sorry.

„Yeah, Good night then.", I say and leave. I didn't want to talk about this stuff.


	3. Dean: Light in my Life

When I woke up next morning, routine goes on like ever, even if Cas didn't need to work today. Before I go I remind him on rest a bit, even if I know that he doesn't need to, but I didn't want him get himself in danger, just because he does something stupid, when he try to go for a walk.

Since yesterday I was more carrying for Cas and know that I need to take care of him and not the opposite.

Cas was friendly and selfless and all in all a wonderful man, but he was also careless and have often big problems with handle even small things, I still wonder how he managed our life for the last weeks. But I want to take care now. And I do.

After the accident I smile more often, I meet workmates out of work and I even help our neighbor, a old lady, to repair her light in the living room.

And because I got livelier Cas got too, he even managed to make bad jokes and it make me laughed, more because I love him, than because there were funny. I just love it when he trys to make me happy and his effort make me more happy than anything else can do. And I was just thinking that remember doesn't really matter anymore, because he could make me happy even without. Why should he remember all those crap, when he can stay with me here as humans.

But then this one night came and he ask about Cas again.

„You really loved him, I mean Cas?" I was just nodding. „How was he?", Cas ask. He look at me, still hiding his face behind the book he was reading. I smile. „He is friendly, selfless, he would do anything for me, he don't understand most of the reference I make, he trust me and I trust him, I would give my life for him, anytime." „Why are you say that like he was still alive?", Cas ask and tilted his head to the side and I love it. „Because he is for me." and that was right, even without memory's, for me Cas was still Cas.

„So you really love him, even if he's gone?", Cas ask, but his voice sounds weird, like he try to hide his anger. I look at his hands, there grub at the book. „What's wrong?", I ask and stand up, he still hides his face and didn't say anything. „Talk to me.", I say and grab his book. Behind the book a sobbing Cas showed up. „Everything is fine, I'm not hurt.", he say with his normal voice, but break down by his sobbing. „What's wrong?" I look serious at him. „Nothing, I didn't know why I am crying. There just won't stop ...", his voice breaks down and I lean down and hug him.

After a while he stop crying in my shirt and just lean against me. It feels damn good to have his body press against mine and his face hid in my shoulder. We stay like this a long time. He curled up in my chest, still sitting at the armchair and me kneeling before him and my arms warp around him.

But I still didn't get what that was, so I asking him. He look at me. „I didn't know, I just felt angry and so sad." he start crying again and I press him at me again. I wouldn't ask, if it makes him cry, but I was pretty sure, I know what that was.

Cas was jealous ... over himself ... without knowing.

I should tell him, but then he want even more to know about himself, and I don't want to ruin his life now, so I can't tell him, but I wasn't sad at it, because I just can think about the fact that Cas probably have feelings for me, a theory I must test out.


	4. Emanuel: Workmates

When I went the next day to work, I was still confused about the last night. Dean didn't seemed to care about all that, he smiles at me like always at this morning.

Still in thoughts I got to my workplace, but a big basket full of fruits get my attention. Saskia was the first who greets me and hugging me, whisper another sorry in my ear. Many of the others also hugging me or shaking my hands, even many people from top floor came, but I didn't even know there name. After a good half hour there all gone and I starting work.

I was really into it and then someone tips on my shoulder, I looking at her, it's Saskia and she says: „I just was out for smoking and Peter tell me there's someone there for you. Just call him and give him a OK." I grab the phone, that was rare, normally there wasn't anyone who could visit me at work. I didn have, who aren't working with me or like Dean working at this time. I was just hoping it wasn't Daphne to get me back or something like that, but she wouldn't we both agree, that our relationship doesn't work. She found me naked in a river without memory, I hear from Saskia that this wasn't a good basement for a relationship. „Hello, Emanuel! You hear from your visitor?", Peter ask through the phone. Peter was a friend of mine, he was friend with everyone. „Who is it?", I ask. „Some boy, he ...", he started but I interrupted him. „Send him up, it's OK", with a short yeah from Peter I hang up. As long as it isn't Daphne it would be fine. I hear Saskia laugh behind me. I look at her. „So someone special visiting you?", she ask mockingly. I shrug my shoulders. „I didn't know who it is." She look confused. „It's a boy, so it's OK" Saskia laughed again. „As long as it couldn't be your ex, everyone is fine." She look a little dreamy. „I think you both agree with breaking up.", she say and raise an eyebrow. „She cried and in TV, there never really want to broke up, when there crying.", I say and Saskia laugh again. Her laughing distracting me, it was really confusing, because she laughed so often and I mostly don't know the reason.

Suddenly Saskia slap me on the arm and look over at the glass door. „It's the hottie from the hospital.", she says and first I was confused. Hottie from the hospital? But then I saw it was Dean and I smile. I also see me and come over. „Hi.", he says smiling his lovely smile at me and I smile back. I love him smiling, because he didn't do it a few weeks ago. „What are you doing here?", I ask with a smile, so it doesn't sound like I won't him to be here. He give me a paper bag and I look in it, it was 2 sandwiches. „You forget it, dummy.", he say, but didn't sound like he wanted to blame me, what was confusing again, but I ignored it. Many things confusing me and most things of this were related to Dean.

„Thanks.", I say and feeling weird again, when Dean keeps staring at me, so I look back and this tingled feeling was there again. I like that feeling, so I keep staring in Deans green eyes.

„I should go, again. It's my break so I need to get back in a few minutes.", Dean says this but didn't move a inch, he even wasn't looking away from my eyes. „Yeah, bye, Dean, see you at home.", I say. Dean nod. „Nice day.", he say and then turn around.

I didn't notice that I stare at the door, even when Dean already left. But Saskia speak and bring me to look at her: „You have a really nice boyfriend." I don't know why, but again I feel angry and sad. I sit down in my chair again and facing my computer. „He isn't my boyfriend.", I mumble and ignoring her, but she turn my chair around and look at me with a smile. „Do I hear that right? You are disappointing!", she say and grin. „Why should I be disappointing?", I ask confused about what she mean. She just roll her eyes. „You are disappointed about the fact that Dean isn't your boyfriend." „Why should I be disappointed, because of this fact?", I tilted my head, I was having a hint in what direction she want to go with this, but my people skills weren't the best.

She again roll with her eyes. „Emanuel, you're in love with him." She smile like it would be a good thing. „That could be.", I say and she giggle. „That's so sweet, Emanuel. You must tell him!" I shake my head and look at my computer again. „No.", I say simply, but Saskia was against my plan: „Why not? He must know about your feelings, otherwise you two will never get together." I shake my head again, this time more clearly. „He already meet his big love and he died." Saskia was silent after that, but then I turn to her, I must just tell her, because she would understand. „Dean say directly to me, that he will always love Cas, even if he's gone."

I see a deep sadness in her eyes and when she hugs me, I just hope she didn't stop, because silent tears began to fall on her shoulder and I need someone.

„I love him.", I said to Saskia and that was the moment I truly realize that I love Dean.

And at this moment I hoped, that Cas never met Dean, because otherwise Dean would maybe love him, instant of Cas.


	5. Dean: Loving you

When Cas come home he didn't smile, of course I worried and ask him what it was. But I didn't get a response, Cas just avoid eye contact and go in his room. This worried me even more, so I follow him and knock on his door. When I getting no answer, I was saying: „I'm coming in now." and open the door.

Cas sit on his bed with his back to me, I walk beside him, so he can stare into space or he can turn his head a little to the side and look at me. „I can't help, when you didn't speak to me.", I say softly and Cas turn his head. I was surprise he looked mad.

„Why are you here? Why are you living with me?" I shrug my shoulders. „I didn't have somewhere else to go." and I didn't want to be somewhere else. But the last part I can't tell him.

„Do I remember you off him?", he says, I was confused. Did he speak about Sam? No, probably not. „From who are you talking?", I ask and he seemed even mader at me. „Cas!", he say it like the name was poison. I would have laughed, about Cas being jealous about himself, but he looked too hurt, so I just sit beside him. „No. Why are you thinking?", it wasn't a lie, he didn't remember me of Cas he was it and I was sorry for hurting him like that, but I can't tell him, how he betrayed me and nearly destroy the whole world.

„Because you never had said my name, not once." I stare at him and he looked on the ground. I warp a arm around him. I wasn't planing on ever tell him, I just can't.

At this moment I decide too let all behind. Since Sam's Death and Cas pick me up, I weren't on a hunt and I was having no contacts to any hunters and that was good. I decided too life with Cas, for the rest of my life and just hoping he made the same decision and let go off all memories of the old Cas, because in front of me was the same man, but a better one, someone who would choice the same things, because he was the same, but he was different, because the scar aren't there, he didn't make the mistakes he made and I would keep him from that.

So I decided to leave my old life.

„Emanuel.", I whisper and lean in to Cas, no Emanuel and kiss his soft lips.

I pull back after he didn't do anything and looked in his eyes. „Wrong?", I ask, but he shake his head. „It's just ... I love you, Dean."

I smile, wide and happy. I kiss him again, slow, but short, I look deep in his damn blue eyes. „I love you, too, Emanuel." Then he smiles, too. And when I kiss him again, he press his mouth against mine, kissing me back.

It was one of the happiest days in my life.


	6. Dean: All the years of happiness

One year later (than in chapter 5)

It was a beautiful spring day at a little lake, up in forest. Saskia, Emanuel's best friend and workmate, tell him from that place, not far from the city, and he wanted to picnicking here. We need less than three hours to get to this beautiful silent place. Emanuel have made pick-nick stuff, like sandwiches, we ate it and now we just lie at the pick-nick blanket under a tree. My back leaned on the tree and Emanuel lie on me. We just lie there and do nothing, just enjoy the moment. I died more than once, so I can truly feel the peace and luck of being alive and have you're loved one beside you. I look down at his face and see that his eyes are closed, so my hand wander to my pants pocket and grab a little box. I look at the box. This place was perfect, so were the moment. „Emanuel.", I whisper and he open his eyes. I hide the box. „Yeah, love?", he ask and smile. I smile back and kiss him softly, then I remove him from me. First he looks confused, but when I kneel before him and put the little boy in front of his face, he look so happy. „Emanuel, I can say so many things to say how much I love you and what you mean to me, but I choose just eight: I love you, Emanuel. Will you marry me?" I slip the box open when I say the last words and see tears of happiness drop from his face, when he see the little silver ring. „Yes.", he say and he laughed, hug and kiss me, like he could never do it again, but he could, for the rest of our life's.

I was laughing too. He was and will be my true love and just with him I get to know what luck and happiness was.

\---------------------

Five months later

I was nervous, freaking nervous. My beautiful fiancee just stood a few feets away and any moment he will with me. He grabbed my hand and all nervousness fall down. His warm hand in my and the knowledge that he would be mine in just a few minutes, all this just make me more happier than anything else. Emanuel open his mouth and I know he will say his vow, he pretend on starting. „The first time we met you saved my life and at the moment I see you, you bring me the light, that was missing the whole time and I realize that when you appear. I enjoy every moment of being with you, even if we fight and the day you propose will be the happiest day in my life, I thought that, when I think about my vow, but now I think this day is the happiest and I know you will teach me every new day, that I being wrong about my happiest day, because you are my sun and as long as you are by my side I will be happy and I all want is you to be as happy as I am now, I promise you that I will make you happy today, tomorrow and on every day in the future, because I love you now and forever. I didn't promise you to love you, because I didn't need to. It's a fact, something that going to stay, so I'm not promise to love you, because I already know that I will no matter what come, even through sickness and fights. I love you, Dean." He smile at me and my stomach flutter, I just wanted to kiss him, but I must tell him first how I love him. „I remember every second with you and I will never forget, but today we bound for the future, so I want you to tell you about it: I wanted to stay forever with you. I promise to buy you a house and one day maybe we adopt one or two children, I promise to be your family and when one day we will maybe have kids, there will be, too. I promise to be by your side, when you need me and when you didn't. I promise to live happily with you, but I didn't think this will be hard.", I smile and Emanuel giggle quietly. „I promise to be with you as long as I live. I love you, Emanuel." We both smile widely at each other and when we allowed to kiss, I grab him and kiss him like never before, I can here our friends whistle and clapping hands. I look at them all and there look happy, but not as happy as Emanuel does and when I could see in a mirror I would look like him. My husband.

\---------------------

Two years later

„This is pretty complicated.", I sighed and lay down the pen, when Emanuel give me a beer. „This isn't so complicated. Just let me help, honey.", he says and sit beside me and look through the documents. He was good at paper stuff, because he work with it. I look at him and smile.

I was happy just sitting in our own house, I buy for us a year ago, beside my husband and going through adoption papers. Maybe I didn't like the papers, but I wanted a child and Emanuel wanted too so, we were going for it. I sighed again and stretch. Emanuel look at me and I wrap my arms around him. „Just put the papers away, this have time, even when we handle the formality it still would take months till we get our baby.", I smile and kiss him on the lips. He kiss me back. He laughed, I love it when he was happy.

\---------------------

A week later

„See you in a minute, baby. I love you.", I say in the phone and sit down in my car to drive home. „Love you, too.", Emanuel whisper at the other side of the phone and we hung up. It was after my work and I just drop by at the grocery store to buy pie, I just call Emanuel to ask if we need something other, but we didn't. So now I was driving home to Emanuel. I was smiling like stupid while I drive across the crossroad. I was having green so I'm not expecting anything to happen, but I was wrong. Someone drive from the side in my car. The next thing I remember was hanging in my car and can't move a inch. „Emanuel.", whisper and then everything went dark.


	7. Emanuel: I can´t loose him

I was waiting twenty minutes now, but Dean didn't come. I start to worry, till the phone rang.

The hospital.

Dean was having a car accident, there try to save his life.

I call a taxi and drive to the hospital. Dean was in a operation. I call Saskia and then Thomsen and Jackson, one of Deans and my best friends. There all stay with me till the doctor call me.

I fell on knee, when I heard what the doctor say. The other rush to me. But I just sit there.

Dean breath, mechanics keep him alive, but his brain was already dead. He won't wake up, he won't recover, he was already dead.

I was allowed to see him one last time. When I go in his room, I nearly break down, my sun laying in a bed thousand of mechanics around him and covered with bruises. I sit on his bed and hold his hand. „Dean, I love you.", I say and was ready to break the promise I give him many years ago, the promise to not heal anybody anymore.

I place my hand gently on his head and try to heal him. But his injury's were to hard, it was like bring him back from death and I can't do that.

I break down crying, my husband was nearly death and I can't do anything to help him.

\---------------------

One day later

„Emanuel, he is dead, there's nothing that can do.", Saskia told me. I was sitting at my home. I didn't want to turn the machines down, I just can't. The door bell rings and Saskia open it. She come in the living room with Thomsen, he look so upset like her. „Maybe you can tell him that it is over.", she say quietly and he nod. Than he kneel down before me and press a DVD in my hand. „Dean, give this to me a long time ago. He said he would kill me if I watch it, but he also say, that I should give this to you, if he dies." I look at the DVD, I nod. I understand that deans as good as dead. Saskia take the DVD and put it in the TV She press the remote in my hand. „Shall we leave?", she ask, but I shake my head. I didn't think I can go through this, without anybody.

Then I press play.

Dean appear at the screen, he was sitting in his bedroom in our old apartment. „Hey, Emanuel. I din't know when you see this, maybe I was already old. I want you to see this when I'm dead so ... Yeah. Today we had a fight again, I wake up and you throw me out off the bed. You say I whisper his name again in my sleep. You now, Cas ..."

I remember that day, it was a month after he tell me he loved me. I woke up, while Dean keeps whispering Cas name. But the worst was he keep saying that he loved him and that he was sorry he never said it. I still feel the pain from that day.

„ ... You say that I didn't love you, that I love Cas more than you, but I keep telling you you're wrong, that I love only you. But that was a lie. I still love Cas and I will always do, I will never forget him."

I feel my heart breaking, tears dropping down my face. The worst part was, that Dean wasn't angry or something. He look straight in the camera, honestly and with love in his eyes. Saskia wrap her arm around me.

„But I must forget him for your sake. Cas was my world, but I never tell him, you are my happiness and I lie and will ever lie to you about Cas. I will keep saying that I didn't love him, but the truth is I will."

I sobbing. „Cut it off.", Saskia say, but I can't, I know he breaks my heart with every second, but I just can't.

Dean sighed. „Emanuel, you are Cas."

I look up and Saskia and Thomsen look even more confused, than I am.

„I never tell you, I meet you before a long time ago. You become my best friend, I loved you silently. And please believe me, I know you will do, because of the powers you have. You're name is Castiel, you are an angel of the lord. Maybe you think this is a good thing but it is not. Yeah you have powers and you can heal people and have stuff like wings, but you told me that angels are soldiers and in my experience angels are dicks. But you was different. I thought, but then you betrayed me. You do everything to win a war in heaven, even if I told you to stop, that you weren't good anymore, but you didn't hear. So you died, from the powers you can't control and then I found you again. And I couldn't tell you what you have done, so I decide to keep silent. When you remember one day, Cas, just remind me. I forgive, for everything you do in heaven and on earth and to me and Sam. I forgive you for killing my little brother. I love you. And I want you to know, the first words I ever hear from you're mouth were: I'm the one who griped you tight and raised you from perdition.' I never forget this words. You have saved me. I love you so much. "

The DVD ends. We all remind in silent.

I stand up and grab my coat on my way to the door. „Where are you going?", Thomsen ask me, clearly worried. „I need to go to Dean. He says I'm an angel, so maybe I do have the power to save him, even when I fail last time." I want to go out of the door and do everything to save him, but Thomsen grabs my arm. „You know that something like angels don't really exist." He looked worried like I'm driving insane. „But it explain everything. I have a healing power. I healed many people, but I couldn't save Deans brother, because he got totally emotional destroyed, so I can't do anything and even Dean have so bad injuries, but when I'm a real angel I can save him! And if there is just the tiniest chance to save him, I will do it! Dean is everything for me!" Thomsen look in my eyes. „But just think: If you have powers and you already try to heal him, nothing will change. Don't do that to you,dcon't give hopeless hope to yourself. Why do you want to do this to you?" His desperate voice hit me, but I knew the answer, before I even can think about it. „Because Dean didn't fulfilled his promise, yet. He promise me a family, but he haven´t give me one yet.." Thomsen look sad about my words, nearly crying and I squirm my arm free from him. „I need to go.", I whisper and see Saskia nod behind Thomsen, she understand. Then I leave my and Deans house.


	8. Emanuel: Please, let a miracle happen

I sit beside Dean on a chair. I grab his hand and look at his face. It's like he sleeps. The tears fall on his bed, when I press his hand against my face.

I try to remember to be an angel. And I think about everything Dean ever tells me about Cas, no me.

I remember what he say: the first words, he hear from me.

I griped you tight and raise you from perdition.

I repeat this words over and over in my head, try so hard to remember. But I couldn't.

I cry in Deans hand. „Oh please, god, give him back to me. If I´m really one of your angels, then you need to help me! You give him to me, you can't take him away now! That's not fair. Please, let a miracle happen." My voice fade. „Please ... isn't there someone there own me something ...", I cry still holding Deans hand.

„I think this is my only chance to acquit my obligation.", a voice said behind me, I look up and see a man beside Deans bed looking at his face. He have long black hair and dark eyes and also wearing and black coat. „Who are you?", I ask. He look at me. „Once this yerk put a spell on me and you break it, so I owe you something. I also think he's rather interesting, so I will bring him back.", the man said and I stare at him, forming with my lips a thank you, while the tears begun to run faster from my face.

The man lean down, to put his hand on Deans forehead, but then he stopped. „You know that Dean still didn't want to go, even if he's dead. He was all the time in this room, but he wouldn't remember, when he comes back." Then he touch Deans forehead and disappear. Immediately Dean open his eyes.

I laugh and Dean look at me. „Emanuel.", he whispers and stare like he's dreaming. „Dean.", I laugh and kiss his hand and then his mouth. I couldn't describe how I'm feeling right now.

The one I love the most died and came back to me.

I kiss his forehead and look at his green eyes, full of light. He raise his hand and he wipe away my tears with his thump and I smile. „I love you.", I say, he took me in his arms, he pull me on the bed, hold me tight and kissing my head. „I love you, too, baby.", he whispers over and over again.

I close my eyes, just feeling Dean next to me, patting my back, kissing my head and holding me tight in his strong arms. I smile. I would never let him go.

Even the Doctors call it an miracle, because there didn't know how Dean can possible be back from death, but we both didn't care. Dean at first didn't know anything about him dying, he was just remembering that he lies in his crushed car. I tell him everything.

I say when he want he can call me Cas or Castiel. But he says he didn't want to, because he married me, when I called Emanuel, he promise all this to this name, so he didn't want to change it. I was just smiling at him. But I never ask about my life as an angel. I see Dean didn't like it and I didn't want to know. He sounds sad, talking about it and I didn't want to know such a sad part of my life, when I can spend the rest of being happy.


	9. Dean: After 15 years

„Hurry up, baby.", I shout through our house. I see Emanuel strangle with his tie. I smile and help him. „Here we go, baby.", I say and kiss him when I was ready with his tie. He smile back and grab his beg. „I'm heading out to work now. Be save driving the kids, Dean.", he say and smile at me. „I'm going now!", he shout in the house. Two voice come of the kitchen, screaming: „Goodbye Papa!" Emanuel give me a short kiss and heading out. „Love you, Dean." I smile at him. „I love you, too Emanuel." He go and then I hear our second car drive out of gateway. I'm heading out to the kitchen. „Get up kids, need to go to school." The children moan.

Our kids are a girl and a boy.

The Girl is a beautiful 15-year-old with bright blue eyes, like Emanuel, and blond hair, that remind me of Jo´s, but her name is Mary, like my mother. Her second name was Jo.

The boy is a hyperactive joking 10-year-old. He has brown hair and brown eyes. He is like a little sun, spending light and strength where ever he goes. We named him Castiel, like his father true name.

I love them both. I would never give them back and there now that. I promise it to Emanuel, I promised him this little family and he get it.

„Daddy, hurry up.", Mary says and smiling provocative. I smile and grab the keys. „OK, kids, get in the car.", I laughing, while saying and the two jump in the impala.

This car nearly see all of America, it was always Sammy and me. I would never believe at that time back then, that one day I sit in this car, my little brother dead, but I'm smiling bringing my children to school, while my husband, who actually is an angel, is at work.

I chuckle, how things goes on, it's unbelievable.

But I was too happy with my life now.

With my family.

My husband Emanuel Winchester

My daughter Mary Joanna Winchester

and My son Castiel Samuel Winchester


End file.
